I feel awkwardly bad that this letter is written too late for you to read it. But I thought it a good idea to express how maybe, just maybe, hanging on for another week might have been helpful to you. Or maybe not; small gestures are usually just that.
You see, tomorrow at my follow-up appointment with you to look at my left knee I was planning some good natured banter about the fact that I learned you are a fellow Baylor alum. And not only that, we attended Baylor at roughly the same time. You were a freshman when I was a senior (should I feel old?!). When you said at my first appointment you attended UT medical school at Galveston, and by the look of you, I strongly suspected Baylor. And looking at the Baylor alum directory online, I confirmed you were indeed a fellow Bear.
But tomorrow's appointment - and any other appointment with you - has been made impossible. I was shocked to learn of your very unexpected death this morning when I called Providence Tanasbourne in response to their vague voicemail message for a need to reschedule. The receptionist let me know they learned of your death yesterday morning, with no cause given. "Reeling" was her word, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't rather taken aback myself.
I think the only thing that shocked me more was the confirmation this afternoon via the Astoria, Oregon newspaper that "suicide was likely" after the identity of your body, which washed ashore at Cannon Beach Monday, had been established.
Were you lonely? You admitted much family in Texas; were you feeling alienated so far from your family and most of what you have known in your life? Did Oregon's winter get to you?
Were you hiding something inside? I have to admit that I got a little bit of that sense that you might be. And in the context of where you are from and where you went to school, I could see how much the stresses and strains of that would possibly be unbearable.
Would a friendly hello from a fellow Baylor alum have helped significantly? Probably not. Would it have been enough to get you through a dark day you might have been struggling with right at that time? Maybe. Mutual acquaintances, experiences and divergent paths post-graduation would have been fun, memorable chat. But unfortunately, you and I will never know.
I hope your family takes the news with great courage and faith. And if indeed a hidden secret is what drove you to the desperate act of ending your own life, it only underscores the fact that our Texas Baptist alma mater and other Christians of similar mindset should finally understand that the neighbor Jesus commanded us to love
and not judge, the very one He died for, may have that very same type of secret.
Whatever the cause or desperation, your passing is tragic. So much medical training that could have helped so many people over a lifetime, including all of those that may have suffered from whatever ailment or problem that finally caused you to take your own life.
But all of that will soon be laid to rest in Texas. I hope you rest in peace.
